My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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