My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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