this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
