when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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