he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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