Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
