He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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