i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
