my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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