Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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