Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
this must be what syphilis tastes like
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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