i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
