Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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