the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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