He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
