You're my little dorito
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize