i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
