Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
