Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
