Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I cannot find my penis.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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