It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
