last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
