i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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