Sry I called you an 8
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
