Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
