Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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