i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
