I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
