so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
