dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
