just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You made out with two different species that night
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
PANTIES FOUND
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