So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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