when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
