woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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