dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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