So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sext me about skeletons
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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