If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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