I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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