I hope mine doesn't look like that
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
