That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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