I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
