She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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