She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
