Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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