ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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