You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
