My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
