He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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