Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
