oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
