I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
