East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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